Friday, September 30, 2005
It's been so long since I've put pen to paper that I feel anything I write will be completely insignificant. Oh well. Here goes... As most of you know I finally made it back to Chicago last Friday for LEAVE. Whew. 8 months in the Navy... who would have thought?
In the past two months I've gone through an emotional dryspell. Very little excites me and pretty much everything annoys me. I try to hide it and just play nice.
I'm not a very good actress.
This man that I work with and completely admire was one of the first to notice that something was up. I should be thrilled that he cares- he's a very funny, handsome guy. I should love the attention. But I didn't. I was embarrassed that other people were starting to pick up on my embittered attitude. Especially him.
I left things in South Carolina a mess. Two of my good friends have turned into two of my good "more than friends." And I really don't know who to chose. Normally when something like this happens it ends horribly. Utter disaster. Maybe I'm adult enough to sort it out without hurting anyone or seeming like a total bitch. That would take maturity... and as most of you know, I don't exactly have it in spades.
And then there's Cal. He's mostly single now, and no longer friends with the group of men I used to call "my guys." He wants to move to New York. Leaving me. It's completely heartbreaking. I have these feelings for him that I can't describe. I feel like I'm in high school when I'm around him. Like a thousand butterflies are trapped inside me... Lame, I know. And he will never feel that way about me, yet he continues to call and I continue to hope. He said that he would stay in Charleston if I moved out of the barracks and into an appartment with him. I have the power to make him stay. I just don't think I'm quite that disillusioned.
It reminds me of my freshman year of college when Dick and I moved in together. It was great... for a while. It eventually became this huge awkward hassle and our friendship and our relationship fell apart. I don't want to do that again. Ever.
Speaking of Dick, things with him are going pretty well, actually. He wants me to visit him in Iowa while I'm on leave. We talk every couple of weeks and he's... I don't know... somehow gentle. I'm afraid that I'll go see him and things would be weird.
Wow. Afraid. I never really use that word, but I guess it's completely fitting. I've become so trapped by my inhibitions that I don't take any chances. I always look before I leap. ALWAYS. And then I become so afraid of falling that I never leap.
I want the fairytale but I'm terrified that my carriage will turn back into a pumpkin.
I've created this tough, sarcastic, quick witted exterior to protect myself from everyone- from being hurt. Inexpicably, however, one man know's just the thing to say to break down my walls enough for a tear to squeeze through.
It's compltetely unnerving.
He thinks it's hilarious and it makes me furious, but thank god he does it.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
I wake up at 0445 every morning and work from 0545 to 2100 every day. That's why you haven't heard from me recently. South Carolina's pretty nice, though. I go to the beach almost every weekend... except when its raining. It rains a lot here. Man, does it rain a lot.
I think I'm finally becoming acclamated to life here. Sort of. I'm studying Electrical Engineering, and I find it terribly boring. My creativity has been curbed (to say the least). I've actually been kinda depressed here. I've begun to forget all the things I liked about myself. Here, all that matters is your test scores (btw I'm doing pretty well; I have a 3.4 average) so that's how I define myself now.
I used to be a lot of things:
a volleyball player
a party animal (haha)
... I used to design clothes
go to baseball games
watch the history channel
go to the aquarium
...I guess what I'm trying to say is I used to be a lot happier.
I just don't have any "me" time. I haven't seen my best friends in a year, and I haven't seen my family in 4 months. It's hard sometimes.
I've met a lot of people, and a couple good friends. I've been dating a little. That's always fun. The ratio of guys to girls is 33:1. So basically if you don't have anything dangling between your legs you have a little fan club following you around all the time.
In the beginning I really enjoyed the attention, but now I just think it's annoying. These guys, a lot of them are only like 18 or 19 years old... fresh out of high school. They get these huge crushes on me and it makes me really uncomfortable. I don't really know what to say to them, because I don't want to hurt their feelings.
Oh well. It's time for me to grow up and get tough. At some point I need to learn to stand up for myself. There is one guy though.... mmmm. I can't really describe how I feel about him- I don't think I even really know.
Let's call him Cal. I met Cal when I first got to South Carolina. I was outside at the smokepad having a cigarette (its the only place on base you can smoke) when this guy came up to me and started talking. He was really really really arrogant. He asked me if I wanted to go out to his truck to "listen to music." I was like 'yeah right, i don't think so' and decided that he was the most conceded jerk ever, but man was he hot! I started saying hi to Cal whenever I saw him out smoking, and his cocky attitude actually started to grow on me.
One night a bunch of my friends and I went to this stripclub downtown and guess who I saw sitting front and center? Yep, Cal. That was an interesting night... remind me to tell that story at some point. Long story wayyyy short: Cal and I decided to do the whole "special friends" thing. It's been going on for the past three months only there are a coulpe of snaffus... #1 He's not totally single, #2 I'm starting to have feelings for him.
Cal's on leave right now. He gets back sometime tomorrow. Since he's been gone I've been doing some dating to try to get over him. It hasn't really worked. At all. Plus I think I have a boyfriend or something now... so it should be interesting to see what happens when Cal gets back. Hmmm, this could get very interesting.
More stories later, I promise.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
So much has happened in the past four months that it almost seems pointless to write about it.
I never thought I would make it through bootcamp. It was really mentally challenging, but I actually ended up loving it.
Now I'm at school learning to do my job. I go to school like 15 hours a day. Oh man! Talk about stressful! But I have a leadership position and I'm number one in my class... so thats pretty sweet.
I dont really have a lot of time to write, but I just wanted everyone to know that i made it. :)
Friday, February 04, 2005
1st on the list: Drinks with my recruiter.
Then off to eat with the fam for my mom's b-day.
Oh crap. Insert "Buy mom b-day present" somewhere before dinner.
Then I'm off to hang out with my friend Jackie and some men from the Chicago Fire (pro soccer team).
I should also pack and junk. I guess I'll have to squeeze that in somewhere. Maybe before dinner but after my nap.
Hmmm. I didn't realize that I would miss my coworkers the way I'm sure I will. Not all of them, but there are a few people who really just make the day breeze by. And while I totally distract them from getting anywork done, we're able to joke around and make work-dare I say- fun?
By the time I see them again I may be a very different person. I may even be a little more mature (although I wouldn't set the bar too high for that goal).
Moving on is always one of those bittersweet times for me. I guess nothing lasts forever.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Iowa was alright. Also relatively uneventful. I saw the ex, hung out with my old roommate, went to a bar and a few parties. Fun. I really did enjoy myself. But it wasn't terribly eventful.
I'm kinda stressed with doomsday approaching (the day I leave for basic training)- next Monday. Wow.
I'm training my replacement at work. It's nice because she's doing my work, but it sucks cause I have absolutely nothing to do. She's totally taken over my desk and computer so I have nowhere to sit and no place to surf the internet. That's why I haven't blogged all week.
I'd like to say I have a lot of fun things planned before I officially sign my life over to the government, but in actuality I will probably watch TV, pack, and do my taxes. Woo Hoo!
I am milking this Navy thing for all it's worth though. If I want to watch something on TV or eat something or sleep in, my statement to my family is "I won't be able to do [this] again for god knows how long." It works every time.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
2 weeks from today I will be in bootcamp, the point of no return.
I am taking a break from the monotony of daily Chicago life to return to Iowa State and visit some of my friends before I leave and they graduate-then there are others who probably don't even realize that I'm not at school anymore. They probably figure our paths just haven't crossed.
Going to Iowa State is always an ordeal. It's about a 6.5 hour car ride... That's if I was driving. Instead, it's between 9 and 12 hours on the Greyhound.
The weirdest people in America ride the Greyhound, which inevitably creates the most bizarre stories. There are three in particular that I will probably one day tell my grandchildren.
1. My freshman year of college I was on my way back to Chicago via the Greyhound. After listening to some woman's life story of how she found herself on the bus going to rehab, I finally drifted off to sleep. I awoke some hours later at a truck stop to find an undercover cop hovering over me. I was the only one on the bus.
He explained that while everyone was grabbing a bite, he and his team were going to be searching the bottom of the bus for drugs. Ooookay. I thought. I got off the bus and went into Arby's to get fries. When I came back outside, all the bags were on the ground and a detective was walking a german sheppard up and down the line.
I lit a cigarette and started to shoot the shit with the cops, offering them some fries and turning on my charm- hey I was bored and we were gonna be there FOREVER. I asked the man how the search was going... if they had found anything. He responded that it was going alright and wanted to know which bag was mine.
I scanned the line of bags searching for my two duffel bags, but they were no where to be found. Then I saw them, off by themselves, quarantined and guarded by one of the detectives. I pointed to my bags. Shit. He explained that all the bags had passed the dog test except for mine and they needed to search them, and could they search my stuff on the bus as well?
A little concerned that maybe I did have drugs and just didn't know it, I asked if he didn't need a warrant for that. He didn't.
I had packed really quickly and had a pair of thong panties in my purse. I quickly snatched them out before handing my bag over to him and shoved them in my pocket. Well, he saw me and demanded I show him what I had. He reached into my pocket and pulled em out. I was mortified.
We never did figure out what made the dog go crazy over my bags, maybe he was smelling my puppy or something. Who knows? No drugs here though, just lacey panties.
2. A few months later I was taking the Greyhound from Chicago to Iowa State. These four men with big down coats and doo-rags, apparently drunk were starting fights in the station. I stood quietly in line waiting for my bus to board. I figured I would take a 12am bus and sleep the whole way.
I left the line to step outside for a cigarette and a man approached me to bum one. I handed him a cigarette and went back to sucking mine down. He didn't walk away though. Instead, he asked me if I smoked weed cause he had the "best shit" in Chicago... when I told him that I don't smoke, he pulled out a bottle of something and offered to sell it to me for $15 so I could get drunk on the bus. I said "No thanks" and hurried back inside to board the bus.
I was one of the last to board that night. I got on the bus and they had overbooked it. There were five people behind me, but only one seat left-next to one of the drunk men. He waved for me to come sit next to him and I silently groaned.
I made my way to the back of the bus, threw my stuff in the overhead bin and plopped down next to him. He immediately started talking to me. Telling me about the guy he and his friends almost jumped in the terminal. Grrreat. 10 hours left.
The ride was horrible. He kept resting his head on my shoulder, hand on my leg, telling me that I was beautiful and told me that before we got to Iowa he would "make me his woman". He told me that he wanted me to show me off to all of his friends. They would never believe that he had a woman as incredible as me.
The gin on his breath made me sick, and his constant advances made me very anxious. There was no where for me to move though. So I sat up the whole night. Just trying to keep his paws off me. One time I thought he was asleep. I wanted to glance over to make sure before I would let my guard down.
He was just sitting there. Staring at me.
I felt sick. 7.5 hours later his trip was finally over. He begged me for my number and watched me from the sidewalk as my bus drove away. I vowed never to ride the Greyhound again.
3. Fast forward 6 months. I bought a ticket to ride the bus home from Ames. It was another one of those overnight trips. 9pm-5am... Supposedly. I planned to read for a few hours and then sleep the rest of the way to Chicago. I boarded the bus and found a seat in the last row. The bus was absolutely packed.
The guy next to me was about my age and seemed friendly enough-until he started popping pills. A few rows up a woman I could only assume was on crack was shrieking and hitting her boyfriend who was sitting next to her. Pill-popper started yelling obscenities in their direction along the lines of "SHUT THE @&$% UP!!" Everyone on the bus started to involve themselves.
The woman across the aisle was sick of the flailing arms, young mothers wanted quiet for their babies to sleep, men had shouting matches to see who could tell her to shut up the loudest and most profane way... and the boyfriend just sat there, getting the crap kicked out of him.
After over an hour of this, a flailing arm finally hit the woman across the aisle and she demanded to have them thrown off. The bus driver got off the bus, made a phone call, but didn't kick them off. We got on the highway and drove to the next stop. Halfway there, we got a police escort. A fleet of squad cars surrounded us as we pulled into the bus stop. The couple was greeted with a dozen men with a dozen rifles.
After about 45 minutes we were on our way again. 15 miles outside of town the brakes on the bus locked up. We couldn't move at all. The bus driver turned off the bus and explained that he couldn't turn on the emergency lights while the bus was off.
I started freaking out because I was in the last row, we were hanging off the shoulder onto the highway and trucks were whizzing past. The driver told us that we couldn't get off the bus, but anyone who wanted to smoke could smoke on the bus. Then he was gone.
YEP. You read correctly. GONE. He headed off somewhere and left the bus and all of us. Babies were crying, mothers were screaming to put cigarettes out, Pill-Popper was laughing and munching on pills, a group of men started lighting blunts (YES BLUNTS), and I just sat there getting more and more claustrophobic.
Over an hour later the bus driver returned. He was able to drive the bus to a Rest Area where we sat til 5am (we should have already been home, but here we were only 2 1/2 hours into the drive) waiting for another bus. I got into Chicago around 11am with absolutely no sleep and the last of my patience long gone--so I SWORE I would never take the Greyhound again.
......................................Well, my bus leaves tomorrow night at 9:30 for Iowa State. It's an overnight bus. I figure I'll sleep the whole way.
Monday, January 17, 2005
OnE HuNdReD AnD OnE QuEsTiOnS
1) Starting time: 4:20pm
2) Full Name: Catherine****Censored****
3) Nicknames: Catie, Cate (for people who are too lazy to throw in the extra syllable), Caitlin, Staubber, and briefly Pretty Goddess
4) School: N/A-- THE NAVY, was at Iowa State University- the Cyclones (not University of Iowa and the Hawkeyes)!!
5) Email: Censored
6) Eyes: sparkling blue
7) Hair: brown…although I dyed it bright red for a while cause it made me feel like a little fire cracker
8) Height: like 5'11"-good for sports and modeling, not much else
9) Siblings: three brothers, one sister. (16,14,13,9)
10) Have you ever been cheated on? Yeah. Almost everyone I’ve ever gone out with has cheated on me.
11) Ever missed school because it was raining: I can find sillier reasons than RAIN not to go to class. I havent changed THAT much guys!
13) Kept a secret from everyone: yes of course
14) Had an imaginary friend: no
16) Cried during a Flick: of course I HAVE! It all started with the Little Mermaid. I prolly couldnt name em all if I tried
17)Had a crush on a teacher: Just one? I fleeting crushes on a couple. Especially TAs
18) Ever thought of animated characters as hot?: HELL YEAH! Aladdin! Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid!
19) Ever at anytime owned a 'New Kids On the Block album: JUST the Album? I had the bed sheets, the lunch box, the posters, the Joey McIntire Doll, and copies of their TV series (yeah, they were cartoons!)
20) Ever prank called someone: My friend Whitney and I called boys we liked in Jr. High and played I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. We thought we were really clever.
21) Been on stage: uhhh does the 8th grade play count? What about Karioke?
22) Shampoo: Garnier Frutis
23) Color: I dont know, it depends on my mood. I really like turquoise and periwinkle
24) Summer/Winter: Summer! Definitely. I love the heat! BBQs and beer. Yum.
25) Online: AIM or Yahoo Pool in French…Im addicted
26) Lace, silk or satin?: I love lace…its sexier
27) Like Anyone? I have a lot of crushes and I love kissing boys, but Im not looking for anything major.
28) Who have you known the longest of your friends? Lesley, then Ellie. But its a pretty close call
29) Who's the loudest friend you have: Toughie...I think it might be me.
30) Who's the shyest friend you have: I dont really have any…theyre all pretty crazy
31) Who do you go to for advice: Ellie, Lesley, My Dad
32) Who do you get along with: pretty much everyone
-----------IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS HAVE YOU------------
33) Cried: nope
34) Been mean: oh Ive been kinda mean to some people this past week. I think im just really stressed. I dont mean anything by it.
36) Been sarcastic: I am NEVER sarcastic…ever...haha. well when I am Dan calls me on it all the time. He said People hide behind a wall of sarcasm
37) Met someone new: This weekend I reunited with some long-lost friends. Does that count?
38) Talked to someone you have a crush on?: 5 minutes ago. I visit his office a couple times a day
39) Missed someone: Today. Yesterday. I miss Iowa. Who would've thought?
40) Hugged someone: OF COURSE! I love hugs!
41) Fought with someone: Yeah... just small family spats
42) Wished upon a star: Not recently
43) Laughed until you've cried: Lesley makes me cry with laughter every day! MWAH!
44) Played Truth or Dare: nope... but I have taken a few dares
45) Watched a sunrise/sunset: Yeah, but most the time its right before I pass out on a Saturday night (Sun. morning)
46) Went to the beach at night: BRRRR!!! It's too cold!
47) Read a book for fun: No, but I read CNN.com every day.
49) Are you lonely: Sometimes. Who isn't?
50) Are you happy: I'm happy with who I am. Theres a lot missing in my life, but I wouldnt say Im unhappy.
51) Are you talking to someone online: Nope, suprisingly
--------DO YOU BELIEVE IN -----------
52) God/Devil: Yes
53) Love: Yeah, but I dont know whether its something that should come naturally or if it should be work in progress
54) The Closet Monster: no
55) The Big Bang Theory: no
56) Heaven/hell: Yes
57) Superstitions: Yeah. Im really into that stuff. Its kinda borderline OCD
59) Who named you?: I dont know. I was supposed to be a boy named Peter. When I wasnt, I was named after my great grandmother
60) Backstreet Boys or N Sync: Neither.
61) When was the last time you showered: Eww. Like 2 days ago.
62) What was the last thing you said when u were online?: Its all flowers and sunshine now.
64) What is your computer desk made of: I have no idea. Who writes these questions?
65) What was the last thing that you did today? Typed up a contract
67) Where would you want to go on your honeymoon? Oh I dunno. Hawaii or Mexico….Maybe Italy- Let me find a GUY first
68) Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with: If I went into all the characteristics I was looking for this would take forever. But Ill know when I find him-hopefully.
69) How's the weather: 10s
70) What did you do yesterday/today: slept, worked, went to church, dug my clothes out of the dumpster, ran into my ex, talked to another ex, did the dishes, ate ice cream
71) What do you find attractive about the opposite sex?: eyes, smile, sense of humor, tattoos (not too many), lip, eyebrow or nipple piercings (I LOVE EM), a really nice chest and abs… a nice body all around, intellegence, compassion, ambitition.
72) How do YOU eat an Oreo: lick the inside first then dunk in milk
73) All time favorite TV show: Friends and Family Guy, followed by CSI and the old Twilight Zone episodes
74) Dream car: I just want a big black pickup. F150 maybe. If not, Ill take a Wrangler
75) What do you want to be when you grow up: a lawyer
78) Number: I dont know. Either 6 or 9 (because they were my volleyball numbers, NOT for any dirty reason!!! Get your mind out of the gutter!)
79)Favorite food: strawberries, chocolate, pineapple pizza, steak, oh im hungry. This list could go on and on…. 80) Favorite days of the week: Fridays I think…I also like Thursdays, cause the weeks almost over!
83) If you could change your name, what would it be: Dan and I were discussing this. In Friends, Phoebe changed her name to something ridiculous and wouldnt change it back, so her husband, Mike, changed
his name to Crap Pile. I dont think I could be anything other than Catie
85) The most stupid thing u ever done: O god I do stupid things all the time. It would be so hard to choose just one…all of you can probably think of more stories than I can right now. I put a lit cigarette down my bra when I was drunk last year to save it for later...
86) First Son's name: Michael
87) Wife/husband: husband – but who knows what his name will be. He better have a good last name though!
88) First daughter: Hmmm, I like Madeline, Maddie for short, but I’ll probably go with Margaret Mary (family name)
89) Favorite drink: Propel water by Gatorade (the Peach is the BEST, go out and buy one!!)... alcoholic drink? I like em all. I like a simple rum and coke or shot of tequilla
90) You like scary or funny movies better?: funny, I scare REAL easy
91) On the phone or in person: in person
92) Lust or Love: love, but Ill take lust every once in a while
93) If you could change something about yourself what would it be?: I dont know….Id be more motivated, thinner, and care less about impressing others.
94) Do you consider cheerleading a sport: yeah. I watch MTV, Ive seen Camp Jim… its tough
95) Do you have pets: nope, the ex got to keep our rott
96) Who sent this survey to you: Cammy
97) What do you think of this person: I love Cam, shes always been there for me and I have always tried to do the same for her. Shes been a spiritual role model…well, actually she a role model in almost everything she does. Shes hilarious and kind and forgiving, and I know that no matter how bad I screw up shell be there to love me.
98) What is your favorite type of music: I love everything…. Country is my GUILTY PLEASURE though
99) Anything you want to say: Live your life like it's a celebration!~Ill just leave Cams response
100) Do you hate when they ask you if you want your friends will answer? Eh I dont really care one way or the other
101) Time finished: 5:30p
Hope you enjoyed that. More on #70 later.
Friday, January 14, 2005
I have loved this man since the day I met him. 2 1/2 years ago.
I was young and stupid and "not ready for a relationship." He said he'd be there when I changed my mind. He wasn't.
We remained good friends.
Then I moved home and joined the Navy. He's in Iowa. I would leave the Navy and marry him if he was ever inclined to ask.
He's a good 'ol farm boy with big goals and simple dreams. I love everything about him. He's always been there for me and now it's my turn to be there for him.
He has cancer.
He's only 20 years old.
It's cancer in his lymph nodes. In his neck and in his chest.
He starts chemo next week.
I love him so much and I am just devastated that he has to endure this. He's the nicest guy you'd ever meet. Friends with everyone. He's gonna be Best Man in his brothers wedding. It makes me smile to think of him in a tux. I was talking to him yesterday and it went something like this:
"I bet you look very handsome in a tux. I'm sure it doesn't happen very often. You seem like a jeans and t-shirt man to me."
"I am a jeans and t-shirt man."
A man of few words. A jeans and t-shirt man. In love with his truck. A home grown Iowa boy. Eats Chinese food every Sunday. Loves football. Reliable. Happy.
And I love him.
And I'm terrified for him.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Now before you judge, just listen.
Not the other woman in a sexual sense, but an emotional one. (Many women would argue that this is far worse.)
I don't know exactly when it happened, or who was "my first," but somewhere in the past year, I have become everyone's shoulder to cry on. Everytime one of my guy friends has a fight or breaks up with their girlfriend, I am the first girl they call for advice/consoling.
This would be less awkward if I hadn't had relationships with these men in the past.
I guess I should make myself less available to them, but I sincerely wish I could help allieviate their pain.
It's a very tricky line to walk.
Friday, January 07, 2005
Luke, however, always seem to pay more attention to me than my parents. *Please note we moved when I was four.* I vaguely remember him taking me behind his house to have "private" conversations. The details are all very fuzzy. It's hard at this point to be sure of what I remember, but I do remember him warning that my parents wouldn't understand us being friends.
Neither did I. I grew a fierce fear and distrust of this man.
Luke seemed to me to be a little "off" the older I got. He lives with his old mother, collecting her social security payments. He rides a bicycle everywhere. He's very sneaky... he'll just show up out of nowhere.
He would stand across the street, watching as I mowed the lawn, talked on the phone, read a book- you name it. It got to the point where I was uncomfortable going outside. *Not that this really matters, but I live in a very nice neighborhood in a nice suburb of Chicago.* I say that, just to say this: My parents thought that I was crazy.
Luke started getting even more weird in the past couple of years. For instance, every Sunday for over a year he would steal our TV Guide out of the Sunday Paper.
Then weird turned to scary.
He got fired from his job at a nearby liquor store for fondling a customer and stealing. The police started getting involved. A few weeks later, the police were involved again. The Photo Place called the cops because they were concerned about some pictures Luke had dropped off: kids getting on the school bus in front of his house and neighborhood girls getting in and out of their cars.
My parents finally started to take me seriously.
Around Thanksgiving Luke beat up his 80 yr old mom. She's in the nursing home waiting to die. They don't think its a good idea for her to go home.
He posted bail.
He started hanging out around my job. Asking me when I was getting off. I stayed at work hours later and got rides home. I started carrying mase.
My mom took me to the police station to file a police report. I decided it would be in my best interest not to. When you file a report the police contact the accused and give him the details of the investigation. He's proven to have violent tendencies, and until now his obsession of me was adoration- creepy but not violent. I was too afraid.
A few weeks later he followed my sister and me to church. He sat two rows behind us. I was shaking.
I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks-until today.
I was going out to lunch with my best friend and saw a fleet of squad cars speeding towards us. They stopped at the liquor store. Joking I said, "Wouldn't it be funny if that was Luke?"
And it was.
But not funny. Hopefully they have him on something that will stick. I live in fear of him every day. And I fear for my little sister-who looks just like me- and pray that he won't torment her after I leave for the navy.
Anyone who beats up their 80 yr old mom is truly sick.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
(NOT A TOP 10 LIST- I hate those... No offense to anyone who made one to count down the new year...):
1. If you ever find yourself about to say "I love you" way too early in the relationship, it's probably not a very good cover to instead blurt out, "I love U...nicorns."
2. I've learned that I really really dislike chocolate. I think I may be one of the few women who feels this way. Now with the end of the holiday season and months of being force-fed sweets I think I may rather eat worms.
3. Just because you buy a used car from a mechanic does NOT mean it is reliable. Case in point: The weekend after Thanksgiving I bought a 1996 Chevy Cavalier from a friendly mechanic at the reccommendation of my brother and mom. That was Nov. 27th. On December 12th, roughly two weeks later, it blew a rod and had to be towed. I have no car now. I am in debt because of the damn thing and I still owe $500 on it. But good news- my license plates are in.
4. Survivor and The Bachelor first aired years ago, so why is it that the Reality TV craze hasn't completely fizzled out? F-O-X. They come up with reality shows so offensive that viewers tune in for nothing more than to watch the train wreck.
A few examples: The Littlest Groom, Average Joe, Trading Spouses, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance (&Boss)and now... "WHO'S MY DADDY." Grrreat. I caught a glimpse of it last night, and it was about as bad as you would expect. Please resist the urge to see it for yourself. Viewership will just keep it on the air.
(I'd also like to note that "The Littlest Groom" was a MINIseries. How cruel... but kinda funny in a way only FOX can be.)
5. While we're talking about how passe Reality TV is, I'd like to add to the list of things that were SO last year:
-The Atkins Diet
-Family Guy/ Adult Swim (on Cartoon Network)
-Texas Hold 'Em
Please feel free to add to the list.
6. This blog's Title is part of a country song that I found fitting because I am in the Navy. Brownie points for anyone who knows what it is. (BTW my old title was "The Mundane Life of a Sex Kitten (haha)"- not everyone found it as funny as me).
7. I feel (correct me if I'm wrong) that it is a well known fact that women outnumber men. So then is this an indication of why many men have a wandering... um... eye.... ? Why many men cannot be faithful? Or think it's okay to have more than one girlfriend?
Are men biologically predisposed (through evolution?) to polygamy?
8. I think THIS is incredible.
9. Which leads me to the new WORD OF THE DAY: Skookum (SKOO-kuhm) adj. powerful, first-rate, impressive.
10. And now I leave you with this Irish Blessing;
May the light always find you on a dreary day.
When you need to be home, may you find your way.
May you always have courage to take a chance.
And never find frogs in your underpants.
"Please use the seat covers provided
There has been evidence of feces on the toilet and walls"
"Please check after yourself to make
sure you didn't leave a tinkle on the toilet"
Some women are disgusting. Men have a totally different bathroom etiquette though...
(Some of you may remember this on my blog early last year; it's making a second appearance.)
Monday, January 03, 2005
"It's not that everything's perfect, but for the first time in a while I am incredibly happy."
Place your bets that you won't hear those words anytime soon.
It's not that I'm not happy, it's just that I'm incredibly stressed. I leave in 36 days. I have a LOT of loose ends to tie up. Mostly finances and family.
I am in debt cause I bought a car that has since blown a rod- which means, basically it's worthless (to me at least). My mom and I are on the outs. I have college loans to worry about. And a planned trip back to Iowa State to say goodbye may never happen. Everyone is leaving soon to go back to their respective schools, and I haven't really spent any real time with anyone.
Work has me stressed. I have a lot of busy work that I've left, as always, for the last minute. It really wouldn't be fair to leave it all for my replacement. Oh well. Fair-shmair. I'll do it when I can get to it.
Most of all, I'm scared.
I'm scared to leave. Scared to be in the military. Scared of being on a boat with the threat of earthquakes and tsunamis. Scared to change.
While I'm not necessarily pleased with the way my life had been going recently, I AM finally pleased with the person I've become. I've become very comfortable in my own skin. In 36 days, however, I am going to be thrown into a whirlwind with thousands of strangers, virtually cut off from my family and friends. Forced to see how well I really do know myself. Forced to let go.
Relinquish my freewill to a higher power. The Military. Well, for that matter, God.
Admit defeat and move on to another segment of my life.
I've always told my friends that someday I should write memoirs about all the ridiculous things that have happened to me. This will be Part II: My First Years of "Adulthood" --which is funny, because I have always felt like an adult. . . forced to be too mature for my age. Now that I am -according to textbooks- well into adulthood, I feel ill-equipped to handle anything on my own.
I find myself saying, "Hey, I'm just a kid."
Thursday, December 30, 2004
With New Year's Eve quickly approaching, I find myself in the uncomfortable place of having no concrete plans. It seems as though everyone is out of town, sick, or working. The people who remain are, for the most part, not people I really want to hang out with. I guess that's not entirely true. I have no problems with them, I just don't want to spend the night with all their friends. I guess I'm mostly to blame for that though- In high school and college I was always the girl who was friends with everyone, but never really had a group to call my own (**soft violin music plays in the background**). So here I find myself, December 30th and no plans.
What happened to the days of drinking hot chocolate in the living room with my family, desperately waiting for the ball to drop? My mom and dad and their close neighbor friends in the other room, drinking wine and gossiping loudly. My siblings curled up on the ground, sleeping softly, unable to make it the extra few hours. And me. Determined to prove that I was grown up. Refusing to miss the biggest party of the year. Eyes glued to the television. Everyone would come into the room at 11:59 and count down the seconds to the New Year. 5.....4.....3.....2.....1......HAPPY NEW YEAR! I made it! I'd rifle through the cabinets for the biggest pots and spoons and I'd lead the parade of people from my house to the middle of our quiet neighborhood, banging on a pan all the way. Shouting "Happy New Year!" Celebrating with all the adults. Having a sip of wine. And in those moments I knew that the next year was going to be memorable. This was going to be my year. And looking back, it always was.
Whatever you end up doing this New Year's Eve have fun and be safe. And if I don't figure out what I'm gonna do, I might just stay home with the family and watch as my little siblings run out with their pots and pans at midnight. Maybe I'll even lead the parade.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
1. I just fell down a flight of stairs at work on my way to get some gum. The cost of a pack of gum out of the vending maching in the basement- $0.35 The value of my time that I spent digging in my purse for change- $3.00 Me thudding down five stairs before regaining my composure and walking away as though nothing had happened- PRICELESS
2. Kicking someone out of your car and driving away before they have a chance to get their second foot on the ground may piss them off.
3. If you're a girl and all of your friends are guys, it's probably not because they think you're one of them. They probably just want to get in your pants. Be wary of them offering to pay for you and 3am text messages.
4. A Haiku --The demise of my month-long relationship
vodka is yummy (can be replaced with "he loves his money")
he gets mad when i go out
he's never around
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